Who is Taking Russian 101?

Dear Students,

Most of the 25 or 26 students signed up for 101 are seeing and speaking Russian for the very first time (call them group 1); all of my students, indeed, want to learn Russian. Some have "had a smattering" of Russian in the past (group 2), recent or not so recent, and others have had a good year or two, and are not having a difficult time in this class so far (group 3). You are all welcome, unless, indeed, you are a covert member of (group 4), a near-native heritage speaker, who is feigning ignorance for the sake of an easy class. Group 4's are indeed insincere, and I will have to have a good talking with you, if you are here.  Group 2's and 3's will, in short order, find that you really do have to work to further your knowledge, and pretty soon you will not know so much more than do novices. You are of course welcome and I have no prejudice against you. But if you were born in Penza and left Russia for the first time six months ago at age 19, you are in the wrong class; see me.

It is group 1's that I have to care about early on. Some of you are working very hard — e.g. Женя, Лёва, Вера, Толя, Коля, Дима, Гога, and many others — and I beg you not to resent the group 2's or 3's. You will be graded on your merits, on your individual accomplishments. I plan the arc of my class to your intellects and your knowledge. 

[Note: Гога is the nickname of the protagonist in a late-Soviet tear-jerker movie, Москва слезам не верит, 'Moscow does not Believe Tears', (sic) or, as the Soviet themselves pithily translated it, bless them, 'Moscow Distrusts Tears'. ]

You could note how much Russian you've have previously, perhaps on a homework (not required). If you are a heritage speaker, I think I'd have recognized you by now.

Years ago, before the breakup of the CCCP, I had a student who feigned ignorance in 101 and had me completely in the dark; she imitated my speech, spoke slowly and accurately, and was perfect on all her quizzes. She was a premed, she said, determined to get into medical school. She missed the final examination in 101 by misreading the exam schedule, and came to my office in tears begging the chance to take it late; the truth spilled out of her then, as copious, as cold, as unsentimental and as fleeting as her tears — "I am fluent in Russian; I speak as well as you." I accepted her confession and warned her she had to have perfect quizzes and perfect attendance or she wouldn't get her A; she promised, and, as it happened, she marched through four years of a Russian major with perfect A's. Her fellow students early on knew what was up with her, but did not object. She got into medical school, and no longer had the slightest interest in Russian after Tulane.

One day her father arrived, a grim-faced, sour and silent Russian, with a rear-trunkload of a couple hundred Russian books for us, including some excellent gift editions of literature and a complete set of the rare 1950's edition of Dostoevsky. They belonged to his daughter, Newcomb College, 198-.  I have many in my library today.

Coming soon: "heritage students" in the new century.

gmc