Professor Retires

July 18, 2010

Dear Students,

Well, being now retired I have no students to address, and no practical advice to transmit. So why am I still writing this Russian course blog and what and I writing about? I will have to figure that out, feeling my way. Can’t seem to stop.

What happens to a Tulane professor when he retires? He has to get medical insurance, that’s what happens. All those years being covered by Tulane’s group plan in United Health Care Plan B, my plan of choice, and all those years before United Health Care, all that is over now.

Tulane offers a soft landing parachute with 18 months of extended coverage called Cobra. Fees are high because the insured are coming off of other programs or haven’t found coverage elsewhere. Still, I thought 18 months of the same plan would be a good idea, even at $375 per month.

This sounds pretty boring so far, but wait. We will enter a Kafkaesque nightmare.

I was familiar with Cobra because my son was in that category when he was no longer eligible for my Tulane plan. We made payments to something called ADP Benefit Services in Philadelphia. At first we made online payments, until an announcement came warning that online payments would be subject to a $10 fee. We hastily resumed monthly checks.

For a long time, for months and months, it did not dawn on me what ADP Benefit Services was. With the naivete of an unretired person, I assumed ADP was an insurance company that offered Cobra. I did not even stop to ponder the cognitive associations of Cobra. “A highly venomous snake native to Africa that spreads the skin of its neck into a hood when disturbed.” Am I in good hands with Cobra? Cobras don’t have hands. On the other hand, Jung teaches that the uroboros, or snake swallowing its tail, is a symbol of wholeness.

I learned from Geraline Wesley in Human Resources at Tulane (Personnel to older retired professors than I am) that Tulane was now using Crosby Benefit Systems for Cobra. She didn’t say precisely that Crosby was the outsourcing company for Tulane. If she had, I would have thought of the outsourcer for the Tulane Help Desk, a company based in India, I believe. You could call the Tulane Help Desk and get a lady in Calcutta. You would have to answer a long questionnaire so that the outsourcer could document your call. Then, of course, you wouldn’t get any help. You would be referred to someone else. But I didn’t know about Crosby yet, so it did not occur to me to think of the Tulane Help Desk.
Crosby has nice stationery with lettering light baby blue: CROSBY. In typographer’s cursive: Benefits People. Again in baby blue: Crosby Benefit Systems [sic], Inc. In black non-serif: P.O. Box 929125 Needham, MA 02492-9125.

I got announcements with other addresses in and around Boston: CROSBY, Benefits People, Crosby Benefit Systems, Inc. 27 Christina Street Newton, MA 02461-1953.

Newton had a nice resonance; this is one of the exclusive suburbs of Boston, one with an outstanding public school system, no crime, and mansions everywhere, like Winnetka, Illinois, where I grew up. Newton must be a good place. I was unconsciously building a positive image in my brain for Cobra (Jung’s influence, no doubt).

In late May, I sent Crosby my enrollment form for Cobra. I didn’t send my first check; it wasn’t due until much later, for some reason. My United Health coverage, Geraline cautioned, would run out on June 30, my official retirement, or separation, date. So I sent my check to Crosby on June 2, well in advance.

For premiums, Crosby has yet another address, P.O Box 84320, Boston MA 0284-3020 PLEASE DO NOT SEND CASH. My checks were to be made out to Tulane University, c/o Crosby Benefit Systems. I actually addressed my envelope to “Tulane University, c/o Crosby Benefit Systems.” When I mailed it I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. There is no Tulane in Boston. Not at least since hundreds of our freshmen where at B.U. in the fall of 2005. Why hadn’t I written simply Crosby Benefit Systems? I had another funny feeling, that I had written “Crosby Benefits Systems.” But surely the check would arrive at its intended destination. The zip even had nine digits.

The check was received and cashed very quickly, 6-8-2010. It showed up in my online Capital One banking immediately. Excellent, I thought.

I never gave Crosby another thought until July 6, six days into my coverage, when I was checking in for an outpatient procedure at the Tulane Cancer Center. I was told that I had no coverage. My United Health had expired. I explained what I knew about Cobra. The secretary knew a lot more than I did. “Your United Health number will still apply with Cobra, but it’s not showing up. You don’t have Cobra.” I suggested that my Medicare Plan B, which pays outpatient precedures, might be applicable, but my Medicare B is only to supplement basic Major Medical. The secretary looked this up and informed form me of this. I didn’t even know that my Medicare number is my SS plus A. I was getting a fast retirement tutorial from the Tulane Cancer Center secretary. I called Crosby right from the clinic and was told that no check was received and no check was cashed. The secretary at the cancer clinic told me the procedure costs three thousand dollars and that they couldn’t do it without a big down payment.

So I had to go home without insurance.

More later, it gets better

gmc