Irrealis

Irrealis

November 9, 2009

Dear Students,

Every speaker has a proprietary interest in his native language. He plays with it, talks about it, analyzes it, and, as he ages, grumbles about “poor grammar” of the younger generation, about the neologisms that seem to him to pollute his language’s purity. This is the nature of things, for language is the one human socio-biological function for which every man and woman has a metalanguage. We all theorize and talk about our speech.

I try to control my own innate conservatism and not grumble. After all, I should understand that language changes and times change and things are passing me by. But I still sometimes get riled up by “between you and I” (horror!), “I’m fine, how about yourself?” (yuck), “the boss gave Hal and I a raise” (oh hypercorrection horror), and so on. But what really tears me up is the loss, the distortion, the ambiguification (is that a word? no) of the hypothetical conditional and the contrary-to-fact conditional.

This happened quite a while ago in the language of sports commentators. The contrary-to-fact in present tense if~then clauses: “If he goes all out, he scores,” “if he sees Morris in the open, he hits him.” I kind of liked that. But then appeared such mongrels as: “If he would have returned the book in time, he wouldn’t have a fine to pay.” What happened to “If he had,” “had he”? The if-clause, or protasis, shouldn’t have ‘would’ in it. Russian says Если бы он вернул книгу во–время, никакого штрафа бы не платил.” The little word бы, which can appear only with the past tense or the tenseless infinitive, signals irrealis. The contextual tense, that is, condition in the hypothetical future, attentuated, vs. hypothetical condition in the past, no longer realizable — the contextual tense isn’t expressed in Russian. 

The blurring of “may” and “might”, two modals of the sort Russian lacks, disturbs me. “If you are nice to him, he may help you out” (pretty good chance), “if you are nice to him, he might help you out” (somewhat lesser chance). Future hypothetical, possible, but attentuated — less likely. Если ты к нему мил, он может тебе помочь; может быть, он тебе поможет. No бы here in Russian. Russian can have бы in other sorts of attenuation: я хотел бы поехать “I’d like to go” (French influence here).

Very attenuated conditions in English, such as “if you were to come early, we might be able to finish the job.” This is prissily correct speech; normal now is “if you come early, we might...” The subjunctive, everywhere in Elizabethan English is gone today.

Now the true contrary-to-fact: “if you had been nice to him, he might have helped you out.” I hate “if you would’ve been nice...” and I hate “he may have helped you out.” They are both barbarisms. See my curmudgeonly self coming out there? But don’t you agree? See?

From the "editor’s notes on English" page of the NYTimes:
LOS ANGELES — AT&T, one of the biggest corporate sponsors of “American Idol,’’ might have influenced the outcome of this year’s competition by providing phones for free text-messaging services and lessons in casting blocks of votes at parties organized by fans of Kris Allen, the Arkansas singer who was the winner of the show last week.

I ask: did they provide phones or did they not? If they didn’t, I say "might have". If they did, then "may", since it is the influence and not the providing of phones that is in question. To me this distinction is quite clear.

“May” and “might” ought to at least have an attestation clause that is not in doubt. Else: had they provided phones, they might have... That’s clear. But nobody says that, mostly, any more.

PHILADELPHIA -- A healthy Donovan McNabb may not have mattered against Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints. Brees tossed three more touchdown passes, helping the Saints beat the Philadelphia Eagles 48-22 on Sunday.

Hypothetical, contrary to fact. Say ‘might’, not may; if there were a healthy McNabb, he might not have mattered. Not ‘may’. (This is from last year before, sadly, McNabb was murdered in a tangled romantic triangle with his wife and another woman.)

If he runs all out, he may score on that. Ok.
If he had run all out, he may have scored. Oh, no. Contrary to fact in the past, hypothetical unrealizable, irrealis. No, no. Say “might.”

These are the saddest of possible words: It might have been.
(Not: it may have been. It wasn’t, damn it.) Grumble.

gmc